I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
