dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
