My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
