He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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