i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
