she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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