I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
