Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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