She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
