yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You made out with two different species that night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
