he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
