we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
