I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
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