All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
