apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
