You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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