I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
