mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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