the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
