I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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