Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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