You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
