Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
