god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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