just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
