Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
