I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
