I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
