Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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