with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
