I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
