hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
