why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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