Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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