i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
