I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
