i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
