Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
