nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
