The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
