is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
