dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
