i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i came on her dog
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
