On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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