I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
