okay pat passed out under dana's car
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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