She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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