so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
