It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
