we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
