VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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