You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
