I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
