I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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