if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
