I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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